 Choosing wine in a restaurant can result in an ego elevation or status deflation! Most of us will the wine list to crash down onto someone else's lap but if it falls in yours, what can you do to ensure your wine choice secures applause? Rosalie Garrett uncorks some of the latest tips.
Ask the experts
Let's get one thing straight. Wine knowledge does not automatically go hand-in-hand with snobbishness. You don't have to be part of the aristocracy to drink it and you don't have to expunge wine jargon to enjoy a bottle.
I have met numerous wine connoisseurs who are down-to-earth, approachable people, yet who could render you inferior if they chose to do so. But the point is that most don't.
For this article, I have drawn on the expertise of a handful of clever-wine- clogs, most of whom agree that bluffing your way through a wine list is a waste of precious drinking time!
One such guru is Mr John Radford. A well-known figure in the wine world, Mr Radford is a BBC broadcaster, lecturer and author of several internationally published wine books, including The New Spain - the first complete guide to contemporary Spanish wines and for which he was awarded the highly prestigious Glenfiddich Award for Drinks Book of the Year 1999. He also regularly contributes to Decanter and Wine Magazine.
Mr Radford won't mince his words: "Cut the c--p and ask the expert. The sommelier is paid to know the contents of the cellar and how the wines go with the chef's dishes. Use his knowledge - it's what he's there for. If you go into the b-llsh-- zone then you can be sure of three things: you will get it wrong, anyone in the party who really does know about wine will know instantly that you're a complete a---hole, and everybody in the restaurant will be laughing at you behind your back. And you'll deserve it!"
As much as I agree with Mr Radford, let's face it, having some wine knowledge can relieve some of the pressure, here are some handy tips.
Take the lead
You are sitting comfortably in a beautiful restaurant with your fellow diners and all is well. Be assertive, as soon as your waiter arrives, ask for the wine list. The secret to your choice should lie in two things; cost and confidence, as Simon Hoggart, wine columnist for The Spectator enlightens: "The trick is to look at the list, decide roughly what you want to pay, find a wine of the right colour and price, then say very firmly: 'Oh, that's marvellous! They have my very favourite wine.''
The tasting ritual
Eventually you make an informed choice and the wine arrives. When the server presents the bottle, this ensures you are being given the bottle you ordered and that it is of the right temperature. Closely inspect the label, giving one positive nod of approval - if it's correct that is.
Now, with the bottle in front of you, take on the temperature test. Feel the bottle with your hand, then in a trance-like state affirm: "Yes, the temperature is just fine, well done!" The waiter will then pull the cork from the bottle and it will either be handed to you or placed directly in front of you. This is for you to determine whether the cork is in good condition or whether the wine is faulty. Presuming the wine is fine you should always smell and then taste it. The server will pour a small amount of wine into your glass and wait. At this point refrain from saying: "Hey mate, what's with the stinginess?" This is the time for you to plunge your senses into bluffing bliss.
Seeing is believing
Pick up the glass by its stem and tilt it slightly, then push your arm out in front of you, placing the wine against a white backdrop. Observe the wine at arm's length and then draw the glass in closer, keeping your eye on the wine at all times. The secret here is to be as slow and attentive as possible. Next, enthusiastically mention something about the colour, along the lines of: "what a wonderful red-brick colouration" or "goodness, what a vibrant lemon" - your audience will love it.
Be nosey!
Place your wine glass back on the table and holding the stem, rotate it in small circles, to allow the wine to swirl inside and blend with the air. Then bring the glass directly to your nose, stick your nose into the glass as far as it will go and then sniff, as loudly and lengthy as possible. Next compose yourself in preparation to bestow your judgment. Think carefully. Is the wine fruity, herbaceous or floral? Can you detect nuances of grass, earth, wood, toast, smoke, coffee, chocolate or even tobacco? Then, with as much assurance as you can possibly muster, impart your first description to your curious spectators, something along the lines of: "There's a wonderful floral aroma." Then, immediately repeat the ritual, taking a shorter sniff this time and drop another cracker such as: "Ahh lemons."
And for dessert
Every aspect to wine should be pleasurable - it's all about exploration, experimentation and most of all personal enjoyment! As Steve Charters MW, writer for Wine (Australia), contributor to the Global Encyclopaedia of Wine and lecturer in wine studies at Edith Cowan University in Western Australia aptly surmises: "People should be encouraged to eat what they want, and drink what they like. They will be much happier then, than worrying about observing the rules of what to eat with what."
And I'll drink to that!
By Rosalie Garrett
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